chapterTWO
“DeWayne Weaver
is sooo good looking.” Ashley Nader said to Lori Pratt, two women’s
department associates. They were looking
at the campus newspaper in the break room while Cameron Taylor sat eating his
lunch and eavesdropping in their conversation. He had a small crush on Lori
Pratt so he always kept up with what she was talking about. She looked over towards him and shined her
beautiful smile. It really gets him
excited when she shows him special attention like that.
“DeWayne Weaver
is on front of the paper again.” Ashley showed the rest of the girls at the
table. Cameron watched these four
beautiful girls crowd around the newspaper to share in reading the story.
“That is a man
right there. Look at him.” Lori said.
The other girls agreed as they continued to read and gawk at the Heisman
hopeful.
Man, football players get all the attention
from the girls. I’m so tired of living
in a college town. Cameron thought
to himself as he finished eating his lunch.
Cameron’s insecurities flash up a lot in times like that.
Why do I even bother trying to be a good
guy? Girls don’t like good guys. That dude is not even that attractive, so you
know it’s just because he’s a football player.
Cameron thought to himself as he finished eating.
“Are we still
studying tonight Cam?” Lori asked as she
walked over to ask him. Cameron looked
up at her with her grin teasing him. He
smiled back at her. “Yeah, if you still
want to.”
“Oh of course I
do.” Lori said as she winked at
him. Cameron knew what that wink
meant.
***
Later that night
after work, Cameron walked into his apartment and tossed his bag onto the couch. He went into his refrigerator to get a glass
of water until he heard his roommate enter into the kitchen.
“What’s up
man? How was work?” Nate Hazell asked.
“It was
alright. Busy.” Cameron said as he took a sip of the
water. He looked at his best friend who
looked exhausted as well. “Just got back
from the gym?”
“Yeah. Just got out the shower. I’m exhausted. It’s been such a long day.”
“Tell me about
it.” Cameron said as he felt his phone
buzz. He reached into his pocket and looked
at the incoming text message from Lori, hurrying him to get to the
library.
“Man, I forgot I
was supposed to meet Lori at the library to study.”
“Dude, its
11:13.”
“Yeah I
know. Well, we have a test this Friday.
Gotta grind it out.”
“Man. I don’t know how you do it.”
“Me either.” Cameron shook his head.
“Well before you
go, check this out. I was reading in 1
Corinthians for our bible study tomorrow night.
Man, it’s going to be a good lesson.”
“Yeah? I’ll have to check it out in the
morning. But let me go ahead and get out
of here.” Cameron said as he headed to
his bathroom to take a quick shower. After
the shower, he texted Lori back and headed to the library.
In the back of
Cameron’s mind, he was always worried about spending late nights with Lori. She was a very attractive woman and also very
flirtatious. But along with that she
excelled at Calculus 2, so Cameron needed her help in the class.
“Hey Lori.” Cameron said as he walked up to her at the
top floor of the library. She was seated
at a table in the back.
“Hey. It’s about time you made it.” She said as she flashed her warm smile. God
she’s so beautiful. That smile always
weakens my defenses. Cameron thought
to himself as he pulled up a chair across from her. Let me
sit over here. Tonight is not a good
night for me to be with her. She’s always flirting with me, especially since
what happened the last time we studied at her place. Cameron thought to himself as he
shuddered at the regretful night of intimacy they had shared.
“Why are you
sitting over there?” She asked. He looked at her with a grin. Man. Guess I can’t dodge this one. Can’t let her punk me. Cameron thought as he moved to a seat
next to her. She was staring at him as
he sat down.
“What?”
“You are just so
handsome. How does a girl get so lucky?”
“Ha. Chill out
with that.” Cameron tried to redirect
the pride welling up in his chest. He
liked being desired.
“Can’t take a
compliment?”
“Yeah, just
chill out.”
“You’re blushing
ain’t you?”
“Lori. I’m not like you. I’m black.
We don’t blush.”
“Oh my
friend. Ya’ll blush. Just because you don’t turn into red blow
pops doesn’t mean you don’t blush. I
know the blushing face. And you’re doing
it right now.”
“Hahaha. Red blow pops? Really?” Cameron laughed at her. She had that gift of always making him
laugh.
“Yes. You’re blushing. You like being complimented. Just admitted me Cameron.” She flirted, bashing her eyelashes and
leaning in closer. Cameron nudged her
with his arm.
“Lori, chill
out. We have to get studying. It’s already late.”
“Okay,” Lori
surrendered as she giggled to herself, “Think we’ll get any studying done this
time?”
“Lori. We have to this time.”
“I know, but
last time was so much fun.”
“Lori.”
“Okay
Cameron. You ol’ nerd.” Lori said as she threw a fake tantrum. Cameron laughed at her. She is
so much fun to be with.
“Well, let’s get
started.” Cameron said as they cracked
open their books and began studying.
After a couple
hours had passed, Cameron began to notice that their production was getting
slower. “I’ll go get us some coffee. I think we need it.”
Cameron walked
across the library to the coffee shop. For
a Tuesday night, the library was filled with students at Stillwater University
cramming for midterms. Cameron ordered
two small cups of coffee and headed back to where they were studying. When he got back, Lori had laid her head face
down on her book. Cameron grinned at her,
chuckling at the scene. Her textbooks looked
like it was covered with a dirty blonde curly haired animal.
“Lori? Want me to take you home?” Cameron asked as he sat the cups of coffee
down on the table.
“Yeah, I’m
probably not going to get any more studying done.” Lori muffled, never raising her head from her
book. She then grabbed her coffee and started
to pack up her things. As they exited
the library and walked through the parking garage towards Cameron’s car, Lori
reached out and grabbed Cameron’s hand.
Uh? What is she doing? Cameron thought
as he looked at her.
“Lori, what are
you doing?” He finally asked her.
“My hands are
cold.” She shrugged.
“Sure.” Cameron said.
Every fiber in his brain was telling him to shake his hand loose from
her grip. But if he was honest with
himself, he wanted to be intimate with her again. Deep down, he really enjoyed
what happened last time, even though his conscience knew it was wrong.
When they got to
her apartment, he walked her up since she was still extremely groggy. She opened the door and left it open for him
to follow.
“Sit your books
here?” Cameron offered to sit them on
the couch.
“No. My roommate hates that. Bring them into my room.” She slurred as she fumbled around to avoid
turning on any lights in the common area of her apartment.
Oh no.
Cameron thought to himself. I said I wouldn’t go into her room ever
again to protect us both.
“Sure.” Cameron said, ignoring the voice in his
head. He was getting afraid that he was
getting too used to doing that.
Cameron
got into her room and noticed she had cleaned up a significant amount since the
last time he was there. He also noticed
her open diary sitting on her desk.
Curious, he walked over to it and sat her book bag on the floor next to
her desk. He leaned over the diary to catch
a peek of it content until a voice interrupted his stealth attempt.
“What
are you doing?”
“Oh,
nothing.” Cameron defended.
“I
saw you. Don’t you dare.” Lori said as she walked over to her chest of
drawers and started to change into her pajamas.
“Are
you seriously going to just change right in front of me?” Cameron asked.
“Cameron?
Really?” She said as she changed into
her silk pink pajamas and an old softball shirt. Cameron couldn’t help but look around the room
to avoid looking at her beautifully toned athletic body.
“Have
you written about me in this diary?”
Cameron asked as he picked it up.
“Maybe.” Lori said as she walked over towards him. The mood in the room caused Cameron’s stomach
to tighten.
“Is
it private?” He asked.
“No,
not really.” She said as she grabbed it
and flipped three pages before the book marked place. She handed it back to him. “Read that.”
Cameron’s
stomach tightened as he sat down in her chair and began to read.
October 9th,
Tonight, was a surprise. I’ve always thought Cameron was a good guy,
one of those goody goody kind of guys.
He’s always been really sweet to me.
I could tell something was different about him, but even as I write this
I still don’t know what it is. He jokingly
told me at work one day that when it gets dark, he’s a different person. I think I saw it tonight. He has an interesting private side of
him. A lot of men aren’t as discrete
about it as he is. I don’t know, I think
I like it. He knows how to have a good
time. I enjoyed having him here tonight. I’ve been lonely since Roger broke up with
me; it felt nice to have someone hold me again, to be with me again, to make me
feel good…again. But I don’t want
Cameron to feel like a rebound, because he’s not that to me. He’s special.
I can tell. I can tell. I hope we
have another night like tonight.
Cameron
looked up at Lori who was now standing over him.
“So,
what ya think?”
“It’s
really nice.” Cameron lied. He had been convicted. He knows why he’s different. He knows why she thinks he’s special. Flashbacks
from the last time he was in her room kept running through Cameron’s mind. She had the most beautiful blue eyes that
always sucks him in. But he was weak,
and he liked how much Lori admired him.
Lori leaned in to kiss Cameron, and he couldn’t resist wanting to kiss
her back.
I know I shouldn’t be here. But I want to be here. Cameron thought to himself as he let her
kiss him. He picked her up and took her
over to her bed and they repeated what happened the last time. It
feels good to be wanted. Somebody wants
me. She wants me. And I want her.
About an hour
later, Cameron was leaving her apartment and driving home with his heart heavy. He hadn’t even made it to the car before his
lack of self-control was condemning him.
God, why do I keep falling? Why can’t I give up being intimate with a
woman? I know I shouldn’t, but God,
I’m…I’m… Cameron was in tears as he
drove. He had to turn off his cd player
because the worship cd that was playing was the last thing he wanted to
hear. He didn’t want to hear about the
glories of God because he had abandoned them for a few minutes of quick
temporary pleasure. He was ashamed.
He parked his
car in his apartment parking lot close to 4:30 AM. He wiped his face and walked into his
apartment and went straight to his room.
He shut his door and felt the need to pray but talked himself out of
it.
God doesn’t want to talk to me right
now. I’ve disappointed Him again. Cameron grieved as he undressed and got
into bed. I wouldn’t want to talk to me if I was God. Cameron’s sin mocked
him that night as he quickly fell asleep, trying to escape the
humiliation.
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