Thursday, February 23, 2012

A Woman's Dilemma

Hello readers. Welcome to my heart.  Let's begin.

We're stepping into the Garden of Eden again.  And I love the opening scene in the Bible, it's so rich in drama and tragedy and humor and explanations of why we act the way we act. So right after Adam and Eve sin, and God is dishing out their punishments.  To the woman He says this,

To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”Genesis 3:16

Now, I remember the first time I read that, I chuckled and said oh, this is why women are ALWAYS thinking about getting married one day.  But, further study exposed a hidden truth in this text, or a hidden translation.  This term, which is actually often debated "desire for your husband" actually means "dominate or rule" over your husband.  This text is embarrassing for some women because they don't like to think that part of their design is this. Of course, completely understandable.  Who would want to know that women have a natural tendency to war against men. that apparent in the 21st century?  Let's investigate.

Maybe it can be seen in the feminist movement?  When women wanted to be treated as equals. Now, rightfully so, you all have an argument.  Men have been abusive and inconsiderate and disrespectful for years, this I know, I'm not letting us off the hook---- but it seems to me instead of allowing God to handle us, you all took it upon yourselves.  "We want to be equals".  Which actually, thinking as I type this sentence, this may have actually been a cry for ,"We just want to be appreciated."  Hmmm..I'm going to chew on that one for later.  

Anyways, I've also had the privilege of being around a lot of strong independent women growing up.  I've experienced first hand a woman HAVING to play both roles in the household. And again, rightfully so, she had no choice in the matter because of men.  But what has happened and my reasons for this blog is that I've started to see women take pride in this brokenness.  It's like they have actually taken on the male role in the household in seeking to find value in their ability to lead or their accomplishments.  And it's carried over into raising up daughters to do the same thing.  And I continue to watch women try to flex their strength and power by how they behave, whether it's afraid to be vulnerable or heavy sarcasm, bad attitudes, or constantly reminding people how strong and independent they are--which are all responses of brokenness. 

And it breaks my heart, honestly, to even watch it.  And I continue to play it over in my mind, why do women like to date bad boys.  And my mom has always told me that women like projects.  And I think she had something there. They like to get a guy and change him to fit their ideal.  Perhaps is that Genesis 3:16 working itself out?  Maybe I can get this guy and mold and shape him into the man I, I mean God, is calling for him to be.  Right ladies?  No, you're not actually thinking this.

But it's how you're acting.

Oh, but the typical excuses I get.  "There just aren't any good men anymore."  "He's a nice guy, he just needs to be pushed."  "He's only that way around his friends."  "Maybe I can draw him to loving God."  So what happens, you again take matters into your own hands again and jump into a relationship with a guy you have already admitted you're unequally yoked with.    

Ladies, here's a hint.  You actually don't want a man you have motivate to do anything this important.  And, it makes me laugh because you think this works. 

"Let me tell men to man up and lead my family."  "Let me tell men to man up and pursue women."  "Let me tell men to be better men."  "Let me tell men to honor and protect me."

If you're having to do this, I'm sorry.  But it's not a good thing.  You don't want a guy that you have to spark a fire under for him to do anything this important for you.  There's a hidden issue that's there, and it can be missed if you, we, or whoever just focuses on what he's NOT doing.   

You never want to devalue a man.

And that's what you're doing when you do that.  You're basically telling him, SINCE YOU'RE NOT A MAN, SINCE YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH, A WOMAN HAS TO COME IN HERE AND KICK YOU IN YOUR BUTT AND FIRE YOU UP.  And men's secret desire is that we want to be valued. Read the brother of this article, The Male Dilemma, for more about that.  But instead of insulting---or as you call it, encouragement, throw some praise his way.  Hey, again, if our desire is to be valued, then we will continue to do it OR do more to get that value up and more praise.  We're men.  We're the crazy species that plays golf one time and wants to go buy the best clubs we can find!  We want to be valued and be the best at whatever it is.  That's why we swap old football stories because that's when we were valued.  That's why we do these things.  Hey, calling us dogs isn't too far fetched if you ask me.  If a dog wants to continue to get a treat, it'll continue to do what caused him to get that treat.  ;)

That's a joke by the way.  Don't be walking around petting every guy you see, that's not okay.  

 Now, here again is where the first part kicks in.  I'm sure the 21st century new age woman is thinking, pshh, I don't want their heads to get big.  I don't want to do that.  So, you're rather rule over them and muscle them into behaving and devalue him and risk getting a guy that you have to remind that its your birthday and you want something nice.  Or the guys you have to remind to send flowers just because.  Or the guys you have to remind to love you unconditionally even when you're having a bad day and just want to be mean.  (Oh, sorry, you all don't do that do you? ;) Hahaha)   So, yeah, trust me on this one, you really don't want a guy like that.  So if you're having to do any fixing up to get him to where you want him, just get ready to continue working until the day you two wed and die.

"Your desire will be for your husband." 

Hmmm....interesting isn't it?  Now, as your brother, shall I encourage?  I suggest learning to love.  Stop reading books about being the perfect wife and mother, no more Steve Harvey books, no more Twilight and Bachelor TV shows, and no more pinning your dream wedding on Pinterest--- all these things do to you is give you this dream of love and what love is.  Did you not know that you are already dearly loved?  You don't have to dream about it, you can experience it.  So, just learn to love.  Learn what your Savior has done for you.  Experience it fully and truly.  Because it is in HIM when you find the kind of man you deserve.  And no, I'm not saying be the Christian girls that think wanting a husband is somehow showing God you're discontent with being single, all I'm saying is right now, learn to love.  Experience love.  Right now. And tomorrow too. Learn how to serve as the wife of Christ before ever being a wife.  Learn how to nurture and show compassion before having children.  All these are fruits of women who have learned how to love.And not the Lil Wayne version. 

Again, did you not know that you are dearly loved?

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" Colossians 3:12

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