"The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children."
Hello readers. Welcome to my heart. Let's begin.
So, I was thinking last Friday night about how I feel like I'm in a season of adoption. Here's the story.
I started this fast from women on October 21st, 2011. I remember sharing this to people and the funny looks I would get. Like, how do you fast women? Haha. At the time, I didn't know how either. I just knew something had to change. I had been pursuing women since I was around 9, and never relented. I also had this thirst for women, this great desire for intimacy with the opposite sex. It fueled bad decisions, regrets, long term memories, and of course heartache. So there I stood, sometime in October, frustrated with a certain situation and like we always do, try to blame God for our mess. And this whisper spoke to me.
GET RID OF THEM.
Well God, I can't eliminate all the girls in the world. That's a silly idea.
GET RID OF THEM FROM YOUR HEART.
Interesting. So, as I stated earlier, had no idea how that looked. I just obeyed and attempted it. I had to stop talking to a few girls that already had my heart at the time, in hopes of I would turn that pursuit of them into feet geared to pursuing God. And I will confess that just like any other fast, the first few weeks were difficult. I remember walking around campus and every girl that made eye contact with me caused my heart to skip beats.
Pathetic? Yeah I know. But there, I found the issue.
It seemed to me that I valued the love of a woman over the love of God. So God began to show me how I was longing for this earthly love above His. This special connection that you can share with a woman, emotionally, physically, and the newest joy, spiritually---I was longing for it. I'd lay awake on those sleepless nights and imagine being able to share a bed with a woman I love, able to have something to hold at night, having someone to share memories with, build a family with, and couldn't wait for the day for that to happen.
Guys aren't that emotional right? Lol. I'll just say this. It cracks me up that men think that we're not governed by emotions sometimes. God exposed to me that my mad dash for women was simply my desire to be loved. I'd say that's pretty emotional. #boom . Moving on.
So as Jesus is exposing to me all of this junk that's been in my heart for years, He also tosses me a shovel and suggests we get it out. The first thing He showed me was that I was a son. A son of a Holy God. That I've been made new, I have a new home, new inheritance, new beginning. And as the months progressed, things slowly but surely got better. Yes, it was hard. I'm a terrible motivational speaker because I will not say it's been cake and ice cream, or all you have to do is live, laugh, and love, or God and I have been going out on dates and no, none of that. It took me fearfully and painfully but willingly submitting to God. And then this happened.
So, imagine this newly adopted son. The life he had before he was adopted was, sad to say, was terrible. But at the time, he didn't know any better, so he said things to himself like, "Well, it could always be worst." So here's the newly adopted son in this new home, with new rules. He remembered he used to have "freedom" in the orphanage where he was dying and more often miserable, but now he had to submit to his new Father in order to dwell in His house. But, the son noticed something. In the orphanage, there were times when he would go hungry. But in this new house, he gets three meals a day, and the fridge is ALWAYS full. In the orphanage, there were times when he couldn't take a shower everyday to be cleansed. But in this new house, he can shower everyday. He sometimes splurges and takes two or three just because he can. In the orphanage, he remembers the lonely nights he had to fall asleep by himself, humming some song he heard on the radio earlier in the day. But in this new house, his new Father tucks him in at night, reads him a bedtime story, and stays there until he falls asleep.
That newly adopted son is me. My poor Dad, (lol), He's so patient with me. I had gotten so used to the loneliness that I forgot that He's always there. I had gotten so used to being hungry that I forgot there's food in the fridge. And again, poor Dad, I forgot that I didn't have to walk around with this terrible stench but that I could be cleansed daily. He had and still has to constantly remind me.
"Son, you know you can come shower, anytime right?" Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7
"Son, you know you can come eat, anytime right?" "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty John 6:35
"Son, you do know you can come talk, anytime?" Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
I am a son. I have a new Dad. A new home. Yeah, it'll take me awhile to get used to the new perks I have available since I've arrived, but the most important thing is......
I am home.