Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Intimate Father

Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'" John 20:17

Hello readers. Welcome to my heart. Let's begin.

This is the final installment of the "Intimate" Series. In Part 1, I spoke about the Intimate God and His desiring to have true relationship with us. And now, I'm going to talk about the Intimate Father.  Of course, still talking about the same person, God.

I love being transparent.  I've found that it empowers people.  It makes whatever I'm saying more relatable when they can connect their weaknesses with mine. So, here goes. 

I didn't know I was longing for a father until I met the Father.  I'm starting to think that ALL children long for their parents.  I mean, think about it.  The two people that IS your DNA is in you, your tendencies and ways of thinking and identity were created from these two people. So, me being raised in a single parent home, I longed for my dad----but, didn't really know it. I'm not saying like it was a craving, like I really wished he was there.  But there was a longing, a disconnect, a void, hidden deep within my heart.  Because when I looked in the mirror I could see my mom, but I also saw someone else that I couldn't identify with.  I have family members telling me I look just like my dad, but, do I?  What else? Do I act like him? What else?

I remember having to do a lot of things on my own.  I think a lot of kids in this situation deal with it differently.  I seemed to quickly become content with the situation. Hey, can't cry over spilt milk, he's not there, move on. But what it did was cause me to isolate myself in my heart.  I learned how to manage on my own.  I remember learning how to play sports, alone.  I remember having to deal with my "first love", alone. I remember having to deal with my first heartbreak, alone. I remember contemplating whether to take my relationship further physically with my "second love", alone.  I remember having questions, and having to answer them, alone.  My mom always told me that I could go to the brothers and the pastor in my church, but I didn't know how.  I wished they knew that.  I didn't know how to GO to a "father figure", I mean, where would I learn that from? 

So, after hearing this from a pastor, "Our view of our natural father effects our view of God", it rocked my world.  Because, I had been having a hard time going to God, and I finally knew why.  I wasn't used to having a father.  So, the void remained. And early in my Christian walk, God the Father was treated just like my father.  I knew nothing on how to relate to this Father God thing, so I fell victim of just listening to whatever my pastor said in church.  I was an obedient child, hey, I did what I was told, for the most part.  And I carried that into my Christian walk.  Pastor says this, pastor says that--- a spoon fed walk--- carrying only on the teet of God.

"We have much to say about this, but it is hard to make it clear to you because you no longer try to understand.  In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!  Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness.  But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." Hebrews 5:11-14

That was me.  Because since I had no idea I could relationally be with the Father, I was just this obedient little boy.  Did everything I was told. Just working on getting enough "good boy" praises and doggy treats all the way until I made it to heaven.  And then God rocked my world one day---- because that stopped working.  I couldn't find my joy from being obedient.  I was losing. It didn't feel like it was worth it anymore.  I mean, I'm doing everything I freaking can God to make you happy and you allow this to happen!!!!  But that only made me hurt more.  I couldn't see I was missing something. So after condemning myself for being angry with God, I just knew it was something I had done, so then I found myself squiring around, crying out, "God help me find out whats wrong.  What am I doing wrong. I'm not partying, am I lusting to much? What's wrong, maybe I'm not praying hard enough. Maybe, oh, I can start reading my bible more. Oh yeah, I was late for church, ok, I'll be early next time.  And, I'll quit lusting, sorry. You're right, it's........"


I stopped.  I stopped focusing on DOING and focused on EXPERIENCING my Father.  I just, looked at Him.  I literally, just started to seek His face.  FORGOT about what I knew I was supposed to do, and just experienced my Father.  And..can I say something? 


I finally gave God the opportunity to be real in my life.  Not based off what ANYBODY else had told me.  But, for me.  I learned He's patient with me. Because, He just waits until I work up enough nerves to stop trying to handle it on my own and come to Him. And He just sits there, probably laughing at me.  "Son, if you'd just lay down your life for me, I'll bless that."

I remember the first day my Dad said He was proud of me.

Say what now?  I'm sorry?  Can you say that again?

"I'm proud of you son."

Can I say I melted?  Like, literally.  The Creator of the world said He was proud of me.  My life changed that night.  I became a Daddy's Little Boy.  I seriously feel like I'm trying to hold my Dads hand everywhere, just wanting to go wherever He goes.  And even better, I get to go to where my Dad works.  See, He's really working for the lost, and He wants my help. The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.  Matthew 9:37. Oh? Daddy? You want me to help you with the harvest! Ok?  I met my calling here.  The reason why God breathed life into me, I met it.  The reason why God had me raised up under an amazing pastor, and continues to line me up with other amazing pastors, because He wants me to learn from the best.  Now, just being a part of the job is an honor, but the fact that He wants me near really shows me He loves me. 

So I've been resting in His restoration of my innocence.  That little boy that was robbed of having this experience is 23 years old now, and I get excited when I get to talk about my Dad.  BRING YOUR FATHER TO SCHOOL DAY! 

Today! I have brought with me my Father.  He created the whole universe.  He created the Heavens and the Earth.  And, He even created YOU!  He told the oceans where to stop, He marked off the land, taught the water how to rustle and move. He was the first superman.  He parted the Red Sea, held the son still, spoke through burning bushes, heals the blind, the sick, and the weak, able to be EVERYWHERE at one time.  He even knows all of you! He loves unconditionally, merciful and just.  He's patient and kind, still waiting for all of us to return to Him. And guess what? He has a plan for every last one of you.  I know? Crazy right?  I didn't believe it either, but He does.  And He doesn't lie.  He can't.  He's God.  Everything He says becomes truth. If He says He's going to be there for you, He will.  If He says He'll protect you, He will.  If He says you can trust in Him, You can.  He can't lie.  

If I brought my Dad to school on that day foreal, I'd have the coolest Dad in the room.  Every year, every time.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!  –1 John 3:1

Oh yeah, I can take Him to school with me. ;-)

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