Monday, January 30, 2012

Adopted Fathers

Hello readers.  Welcome to my heart.  Let's begin. 

Hope you're ready to enter a controversial subject.  This is completely opinion based, no scripture to fully back up, but I will confess that this was a matter of the heart God has been working on me about, so therefore it validates it enough for me to share it.

So, have you tried to figure out what the title of this blog means?  Adopted Fathers?  Strange concept right?  Like, normally, parents adopt children right?  Hmmm....let's dive.

I challenge you to consider this, that there are a lot of guys that have a lot of sons that they don't know about.  This idea of adopted father is stemming from this quote, "Like father like son."  Now this quote implies that sons look up to their fathers and desire to follow in their footsteps when they get older. So the son without a father's footsteps to follow in, what does he do?  He adopts a father and follow in his.

Hmm..can't miss that.  Repeat.

So the son without a father's footsteps to follow in, he adopts one and follow in his. 

Ok.  So I have a beef--- or for the intellects, a conflict, with culture for this reason.  I feel we continue to communicate things that are slowly and secretly destroying us.  If you've read my blog called Male Dilemma, you have a basis on which I stand about this topic.  The topic of where are all the men?  This blog title was birthed from a revelation I was having about why I was having this certain conflict.  Journey with me.

So for awhile, I've had a distaste for the hip hop culture, for many different reasons.  I remember BET had the Hip Hop vs. America Debate.  And I remember I was tuned in with my foam finger and popcorn ready to cheer on the tomato tossing at Hip Hop.  But as I journeyed through my reasons for not liking Hip Hop, God began to convict me.  We have to stop looking at the bad fruit and focus on the dying trees. Follow this visual.  The bad trees produces bad fruit, and when the bad fruit is eaten the bad seed is planted and more bad trees grow up.  So Hip Hop---or...lets not do that.  Let's say most of the rappers in hip hop are only products of a bad tree that was already produced.  So that ended that debate for me because I couldn't cast blame on the rappers for exclaiming their brokenness in nearly every song, and I couldn't blame my brothers eating it up.  They say sin sales, I mean, they say sex sales.  Sorry, almost misquoted them.  So, that's not the issue here, forget the subject of RAPPERS, that debates over. Instead, I want to blame the lack of fathers in the household.  Now for clarity sakes, here's a little background. 

So, I was raised without a father.  And, subconsciously, I was always looking for a role model.  Again, I was never actually thinking, I NEED A ROLE MODEL, but I was always looking for someone to look up to. Someone I can take pride in, and then to follow in his footsteps.  And as I look back, I can remember my hand-me-down-dreams changing depending on who was my role model at the time.  I remember when I realized I could sing, ooo, I wanted to be the next Michael Jackson.  Loved basketball, oooo, I want to be a basketball player, next Kobe Bryant.  Started playing football.  Man, I want to be like Emmitt Smith.  Even took a stab at a rap career.  (Yes, I know.)  So after realizing that I was BAD at all of these things, I remember being confused---and almost feeling short-changed. Because here's the thing, the world has SHOWN me, no, no one is saying it, but the world has SHOWN me that the people who reach these places in their lives are somebody, and BOY DO I WANT TO BE A SOMEBODY!  I want to be a person of significance!  I'm regular old Claude, average Claude from the projects and a poor family, I want to be important, I want to be significant!  And significance to the world's standards means you're successful, and to be successful you have to do one of these many different ways to become famous or have a lot of money.  So, my list of adopted fathers was, Michael Jackson, Kobe Bryant, Emmitt Smith, Jay-Z.

I remember watching these guys craft and imagining myself doing the same thing they did.  I'd listen to Jay-Z fluid lines and wish I could do the same thing.  I'd watch Kobe's graceful play on the court and imitate his moves on the basketball court when playing friends.  I'd watch highlights of Emmitt Smith and just be in awe, just like a son watches his dad as he works on the car.  And subconsciously I was thinking, MAN, I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU...

My adopted fathers.

So, this thing we call culture and mainstream, oh man, this is why I hate it.  No...sorry, have a distaste for it.  Because what I'm seeing is a lot of little boys without fathers becoming spitting images of their adopted fathers.  Learning lyrics and creating lifestyles by them.  Or every little boys dream is to play in the professional football league, or be the next Michael Jordan.  I see an entire generation of replica's of things we see on television.  I thought about listing, but I don't want to insult.  I just want to offer an, "I understand, I've been there."

Now I remember when God first started to deal with me about a men's ministry.  And I was praying for the wisdom and spiritual eyes of God to know how it actually looks.  What would I say? How are we going to do this?  And I remember God softly saying son, you have to become a true man before you can show it to someone.  So my journey began.  And as all of this uncovering God began in me was just for you...reader.   

Even when I talk to guys that may be falling into this, I don't want to knock their dreams or their role models.  I even dislike the ministries that almost insults them for choosing these things as role models I mean honestly, what do you expect from us?  We didn't have a dad so dang it we chose one.  And of course we'd choose one that everybody loves.  Of course we'd choose the guy that everybody wants to be.  Every kid is super proud of their dad on Bring Your Daddy to School Day when your dad has a cool job.  So I choose not to knock their dreams because I don't want to take away their desire to dream, or their desire to imitate something.  Instead I prefer to redirect their focus.  Like, here's what I've learned.  In my thorough obedience to line up with my adopted father, I recognized that my desire to reach the place they are was because I desired a subconscious, "Son, I'm proud of you."  I wanted to meet Kobe Bryant on the night of me making the McDonalds High School All-American Game, and him walk up to me and shake my hand and give me my props and just, "Good game."  Interpreted, "I'm proud of you son."

Like Father, Like Son.  Is it surprising that we're becoming spitting images of our adopted fathers?  And our only interactions with these fathers are what we see in the media, and of course its distorted.  That's why you have young boys with poor grammar, dressing a certain way, womanizers, smoking weed, chasing hand me down dreams, getting our bodies completed tatted---because our dads are doing it.  I have more to say on this but I will end it here.

This is my burden. And again.  Please don't miss my heart.  Because I understand. 

We just want to be like our dads..... 

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