Saturday, June 2, 2012

Inner Roar

Hello readers.  Welcome to my heart.  Let's begin.

I have a feeling you've been needing me?  Or perhaps I've been needing you.  I find it interesting how writing finds its way to be a comfort.  Clearly in that statement, I'm confessing it's an idol I turn to to ease my pain.  Or it's just as simple as a digital venting as I pray my thoughts onto the screen.  And the fact I'm making it public, I hope you're able to feel the weight.  That I've chosen to title my blog a Heartbeat Aligned with the Cross for such a reason as this.  As to title it with the clarity of my intentions for every article.

So, here we go.

It's.....interesting.... to me how I naturally check my value when disappointment enters my life.  How I literally, invert the situation as a flaw of me, as a lack of in me, as an inadequacy to lead properly, or to honor honestly, or self control myself enough, or to respect others enough, or to achieve anything, able to do anything, you're nothing Claude, just why do you even bother.

And I have finally understood how I've heard pastors say time and time again the value in reading your Bibles.  The value in knowing the truth about what God feels about you.  Because, it activated the other night.

I was sitting in my apartment and my friend had just left after another dumping of my problems and frustrations.  Oh, and I'm also the kid that gets mad at himself for being a whiner, because I've listened to culture tell me that men don't have emotions, that men don't whine, blah, so whatever.

But I was sitting in my apartment, and the flood of lies I listed earlier began to consume me.  I felt like a timid little boy begging for his Dad.  A lost boy, shivering from the cold, fear of the dangers that could be approaching him because he felt so alone, crying out for help.  And, all of a sudden, I hear a faint roar.

What was that?

Then it sounds again.  And it was louder this time.  A roar like a lion.  And the boy realized it was coming from inside of him.  He then feels a flickering flame that slowly begins to warm him as the words of His Father's affirmation begins to ring loudly in his mind.

"Son, you are mine.  I've designed you to be a leader, to be a man, to be a King, to be a warrior."

And almost immediately, the beauty of the situation reveals itself.

"Son, I saw the whole thing.  I never left you.  I needed you to feel this.  I needed to see what you'd do.  Just like Abraham, I just needed to see what you'd do.  I was always there."

The roar becomes deafening as the little boy rises up off the ground and picks himself up.  The truth about himself comes rushing to his mind.

"Son, you are Mine. In your weaknesses, I am made strong.  So embrace the weakness, because I roar alive in you when I have to make you strong.  I have covered your sins, stop beating yourself up.  You are mine, you're alive IN ME.  You are free from that bondage.  Refuse the chains, refuse them son.  You're free.  You're alive."  

And tears slowly


drip down my face.


Here---Religion would have left you with a bunch of verses to sort through to figure out which one to apply to hopefully make you feel better.

Relationship, the voice of the those verses comforts you in a personal message directly for you for whatever you're going through.

Yeah, you needed to the hear that.  

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