“DeWayne Weaver is sooo good looking.” Ashley Nader said to Lori Pratt, two women’s department associates. They were looking at the campus newspaper in the break room while Cameron Taylor sat eating his lunch and eavesdropping in their conversation. He had a small crush on Lori Pratt so he always kept up with what she was talking about. She looked over towards him and shined her beautiful smile. It really gets him excited when she shows him special attention like that.
“DeWayne Weaver is on front of the paper again.” Ashley showed the rest of the girls at the table. Cameron watched these four beautiful girls crowd around the newspaper to share in reading the story.
“That is a man right there. Look at him.” Lori said. The other girls agreed as they continued to read and gawk at the Heisman hopeful.
Man, football players get all the attention from the girls. I’m so tired of living in a college town. Cameron thought to himself as he finished eating his lunch. Cameron’s insecurities flash up a lot in times like that.
Why do I even bother trying to be a good guy? Girls don’t like good guys. That dude is not even that attractive, so you know it’s just because he’s a football player. Cameron thought to himself as he finished eating.
“Are we still studying tonight Cam?” Lori asked as she walked over to ask him. Cameron looked up at her with her grin teasing him. He smiled back at her. “Yeah, if you still want to.”
“Oh of course I do.” Lori said as she winked at him. Cameron knew what that wink meant.
Later that night after work, Cameron walked into his apartment and tossed his bag onto the couch. He went into his refrigerator to get a glass of water until he heard his roommate enter into the kitchen.
“What’s up man? How was work?” Nate Hazell asked.
“It was alright. Busy.” Cameron said as he took a sip of the water. He looked at his best friend who looked exhausted as well. “Just got back from the gym?”
“Yeah. Just got out the shower. I’m exhausted. It’s been such a long day.”
“Tell me about it.” Cameron said as he felt his phone buzz. He reached into his pocket and looked at the incoming text message from Lori, hurrying him to get to the library.
“Man, I forgot I was supposed to meet Lori at the library to study.”
“Dude, its 11:13.”
“Yeah I know. Well, we have a test this Friday. Gotta grind it out.”
“Man. I don’t know how you do it.”
“Me either.” Cameron shook his head.
“Well before you go, check this out. I was reading in 1 Corinthians for our bible study tomorrow night. Man, it’s going to be a good lesson.”
“Yeah? I’ll have to check it out in the morning. But let me go ahead and get out of here.” Cameron said as he headed to his bathroom to take a quick shower. After the shower, he texted Lori back and headed to the library.
In the back of Cameron’s mind, he was always worried about spending late nights with Lori. She was a very attractive woman and also very flirtatious. But along with that she excelled at Calculus 2, so Cameron needed her help in the class.
“Hey Lori.” Cameron said as he walked up to her at the top floor of the library. She was seated at a table in the back.
“Hey. It’s about time you made it.” She said as she flashed her warm smile. God she’s so beautiful. That smile always weakens my defenses. Cameron thought to himself as he pulled up a chair across from her. Let me sit over here. Tonight is not a good night for me to be with her. She’s always flirting with me, especially since what happened the last time we studied at her place. Cameron thought to himself as he shuddered at the regretful night of intimacy they had shared.
“Why are you sitting over there?” She asked. He looked at her with a grin. Man. Guess I can’t dodge this one. Can’t let her punk me. Cameron thought as he moved to a seat next to her. She was staring at him as he sat down.
“You are just so handsome. How does a girl get so lucky?”
“Ha. Chill out with that.” Cameron tried to redirect the pride welling up in his chest. He liked being desired.
“Can’t take a compliment?”
“Yeah, just chill out.”
“You’re blushing ain’t you?”
“Lori. I’m not like you. I’m black. We don’t blush.”
“Oh my friend. Ya’ll blush. Just because you don’t turn into red blow pops doesn’t mean you don’t blush. I know the blushing face. And you’re doing it right now.”
“Hahaha. Red blow pops? Really?” Cameron laughed at her. She had that gift of always making him laugh.
“Yes. You’re blushing. You like being complimented. Just admitted me Cameron.” She flirted, bashing her eyelashes and leaning in closer. Cameron nudged her with his arm.
“Lori, chill out. We have to get studying. It’s already late.”
“Okay,” Lori surrendered as she giggled to herself, “Think we’ll get any studying done this time?”
“Lori. We have to this time.”
“I know, but last time was so much fun.”
“Okay Cameron. You ol’ nerd.” Lori said as she threw a fake tantrum. Cameron laughed at her. She is so much fun to be with.
“Well, let’s get started.” Cameron said as they cracked open their books and began studying.
After a couple hours had passed, Cameron began to notice that their production was getting slower. “I’ll go get us some coffee. I think we need it.”
Cameron walked across the library to the coffee shop. For a Tuesday night, the library was filled with students at Stillwater University cramming for midterms. Cameron ordered two small cups of coffee and headed back to where they were studying. When he got back, Lori had laid her head face down on her book. Cameron grinned at her, chuckling at the scene. Her textbooks looked like it was covered with a dirty blonde curly haired animal.
“Lori? Want me to take you home?” Cameron asked as he sat the cups of coffee down on the table.
“Yeah, I’m probably not going to get any more studying done.” Lori muffled, never raising her head from her book. She then grabbed her coffee and started to pack up her things. As they exited the library and walked through the parking garage towards Cameron’s car, Lori reached out and grabbed Cameron’s hand.
Uh? What is she doing? Cameron thought as he looked at her.
“Lori, what are you doing?” He finally asked her.
“My hands are cold.” She shrugged.
“Sure.” Cameron said. Every fiber in his brain was telling him to shake his hand loose from her grip. But if he was honest with himself, he wanted to be intimate with her again. Deep down, he really enjoyed what happened last time, even though his conscience knew it was wrong.
When they got to her apartment, he walked her up since she was still extremely groggy. She opened the door and left it open for him to follow.
“Sit your books here?” Cameron offered to sit them on the couch.
“No. My roommate hates that. Bring them into my room.” She slurred as she fumbled around to avoid turning on any lights in the common area of her apartment.
Oh no. Cameron thought to himself. I said I wouldn’t go into her room ever again to protect us both.
“Sure.” Cameron said, ignoring the voice in his head. He was getting afraid that he was getting too used to doing that.
Cameron got into her room and noticed she had cleaned up a significant amount since the last time he was there. He also noticed her open diary sitting on her desk. Curious, he walked over to it and sat her book bag on the floor next to her desk. He leaned over the diary to catch a peek of it content until a voice interrupted his stealth attempt.
“What are you doing?”
“Oh, nothing.” Cameron defended.
“I saw you. Don’t you dare.” Lori said as she walked over to her chest of drawers and started to change into her pajamas.
“Are you seriously going to just change right in front of me?” Cameron asked.
“Cameron? Really?” She said as she changed into her silk pink pajamas and an old softball shirt. Cameron couldn’t help but look around the room to avoid looking at her beautifully toned athletic body.
“Have you written about me in this diary?” Cameron asked as he picked it up.
“Maybe.” Lori said as she walked over towards him. The mood in the room caused Cameron’s stomach to tighten.
“Is it private?” He asked.
“No, not really.” She said as she grabbed it and flipped three pages before the book marked place. She handed it back to him. “Read that.”
Cameron’s stomach tightened as he sat down in her chair and began to read.
Tonight, was a surprise. I’ve always thought Cameron was a good guy, one of those goody goody kind of guys. He’s always been really sweet to me. I could tell something was different about him, but even as I write this I still don’t know what it is. He jokingly told me at work one day that when it gets dark, he’s a different person. I think I saw it tonight. He has an interesting private side of him. A lot of men aren’t as discrete about it as he is. I don’t know, I think I like it. He knows how to have a good time. I enjoyed having him here tonight. I’ve been lonely since Roger broke up with me; it felt nice to have someone hold me again, to be with me again, to make me feel good…again. But I don’t want Cameron to feel like a rebound, because he’s not that to me. He’s special. I can tell. I can tell. I hope we have another night like tonight.
Cameron looked up at Lori who was now standing over him.
“So, what ya think?”
“It’s really nice.” Cameron lied. He had been convicted. He knows why he’s different. He knows why she thinks he’s special. Flashbacks from the last time he was in her room kept running through Cameron’s mind. She had the most beautiful blue eyes that always sucks him in. But he was weak, and he liked how much Lori admired him. Lori leaned in to kiss Cameron, and he couldn’t resist wanting to kiss her back.
I know I shouldn’t be here. But I want to be here. Cameron thought to himself as he let her kiss him. He picked her up and took her over to her bed and they repeated what happened the last time. It feels good to be wanted. Somebody wants me. She wants me. And I want her.
About an hour later, Cameron was leaving her apartment and driving home with his heart heavy. He hadn’t even made it to the car before his lack of self-control was condemning him.
God, why do I keep falling? Why can’t I give up being intimate with a woman? I know I shouldn’t, but God, I’m…I’m… Cameron was in tears as he drove. He had to turn off his cd player because the worship cd that was playing was the last thing he wanted to hear. He didn’t want to hear about the glories of God because he had abandoned them for a few minutes of quick temporary pleasure. He was ashamed.
He parked his car in his apartment parking lot close to 4:30 AM. He wiped his face and walked into his apartment and went straight to his room. He shut his door and felt the need to pray but talked himself out of it.
God doesn’t want to talk to me right now. I’ve disappointed Him again. Cameron grieved as he undressed and got into bed. I wouldn’t want to talk to me if I was God. Cameron’s sin mocked him that night as he quickly fell asleep, trying to escape the humiliation.